Madness Ensues
by frances janvier
Summary: How the duel between Grindelwald and Dumbledore actually happened.


**QLFC - Round 12 - Seeker of the Arrows:** Write a HUMOROUS story about DUMBLEDORE AND GRINDELWALD

 **Wordcount:** 942

 **Thanks to my teammates for beta-ing!**

 **Credit to Sophie, my captain, for the title :D**

* * *

May 2nd, 1945

DRAMATIC THREE HOUR DUEL ENDS THE GLOBAL WIZARDING WAR?

Albus Dumbledore and Gellert Grindelwald have both been called the brightest wizards of their generation. In their childhood, the two of them were the best of friends, but tragedy struck after Albus's sister Ariana died. A rift formed between the duo, as evident by the spectacle of a duel yesterday!

The two wizards fought it out for a long three hours, and yet the number of spectators only grew over time. At the beginning, it seemed that Grindelwald had the upper hand, but after an hour, they both showed no sign of drawing the duel to a close. After three hours, Dumbledore had Grindelwald cornered, but their relationship would be forever changed.

Rumor has it that a few Unforgivable Curses were exchanged between the two of them—

* * *

Albus folded the latest edition of the Prophet and put it down beside him, chuckling quietly. As always, the Prophet had greatly exaggerated the details of their duel. Almost nothing had happened like the way the Prophet had described it.

For example, the duel hadn't been three hours at all. It was only a mere three minutes.

Albus smiled, remembering back to what had happened the day before.

* * *

"Ariana's dead and it's all your fault!" screamed Albus, practically spitting at Gellert. Ever since his sister's death, the Prophet had been hiding in the bushes around their house. It was easy to forget about them, though.

Gellert was glaring daggers back at him. "It's all for the Greater Good! Wasn't that what we were planning about together? Plus, you might have been the one to kill her!"

"The Greater Good does not involve my sister, Gellert!"

"Hold that thought. I'm hungry," interrupted Gellert, walking away from Albus and heading towards the kitchen.

Albus stared at him in disbelief for a second before chasing after him. "We're having an argument here, Gellert, you can't just walk into the kitchen and get food because you're hungry! We are in the middle of an important discussion!"

"I can do what I want, Albus!" Gellert shouted back over his shoulder.

On the kitchen table, Albus's apple pie was sitting innocently. It smelled absolutely heavenly, and it made Albus hungry too. He hoped that Gellert would instead reach into the fridge and grab some other sort of food but—

"NOT MY PIE, YOU BASTARD!" Albus yelled at the top of his lungs, and he charged at Gellert, who had only taken one bite so far.

Albus flipped the pie up from the table and smashed it into Gellert's face.

His jaw had dropped the floor in shock. "Albus," Gellert spoke softly, as crumbs and chunks of apple dripped down his face. "Didn't you know that smashing a pie into somebody's face is a declaration of war? You shall pay for this!" he shouted, opening the fridge and scrambling for a weapon to use in their duel.

Albus reached in the other direction for the fruit bowl. He grasped a banana in his hands, ready to fight Gellert until death.

Gellert had grabbed a browning head of lettuce, which he proceeded to throw at Albus's head. He ducked and the vegetable missed by an inch.

The banana was more of a defensive move, and Albus decided not to throw it. Instead, he peeled the fruit and dropped the skin on the floor in front of Gellert. When Gellert turned around with a jug of milk, he slipped comically on the banana skin and dropped the jug on his toe. He yelped in pain, hobbling as he grabbed his foot to sooth the ache.

Albus sniggered, excited that the odds were in his favor. He knew that there was only one way to win the fight, and so he danced around the unbalanced Gellert towards the fridge.

Instead of opening up the fridge as one would expect, Albus, using strength he didn't know he had, picked up the entire fridge and held it above Gellert.

"No!" Gellert shrieked. "Please show me mercy! I'll do anything for you! Anything! Just please don't drop the fridge on my head!"

Albus thought for a moment and then put the fridge back upside down. "You're going to bake me one hundred pies to replace the one you were going to eat. Then maybe I'll reconsider."

Tears of joy flowed out of Gellert's eyes like mini waterfalls. They cascaded over his apple-red cheeks and deserved to be called the Eighth Wonder of the World. "Oh, thank you so much, Albus!" He set to work on the pies immediately.

* * *

Albus could smell the baking pies from where he was sitting with the newspaper. It was nice having somebody else bake him pies. Maybe he could negotiate and extend the contract to have Gellert make one thousand pies for him.

"GELLERT, THE PIES ARE BURNING! START OVER!" Albus yelled to the kitchen, where there was an audible groan.

"Albus, the pies aren't burning. They're practically done," Gellert said, stepping into the room a few seconds later.

"Bring the pies to me and I'll test them all to make sure they aren't burnt. Meanwhile, you're going to start over."

"You've had me start over three times already—"

All it took for Albus to shut Gellert up was a quick glance at the fridge. Gellert nodded quickly and scampered back into the kitchen.

Why would he and Gellert ever have a duel as boring as the one described in the Prophet? Food fights were a lot more interesting. Plus, if they had had a proper duel, then Albus wouldn't get all his extra pies.

"Gellert! The pies are burning again!"


End file.
